New Year, New Love. New questions...
Will it lead to a happy ending? No I'm not talking about the 2am-man's-version of a "happy ending", but YOUR version of a happy ending. First, you must define what a happy relationship looks like to you and believe that it exists. Then you need to believe that there is a soulmate out there that will care for you so much that they will always do their best to make that happy relationship happen ...everyday.
I started to ask myself:
As humans, why do we take more time in authenticating a CHANEL handbag, than we do authenticating a true boyfriend/girlfriend/ significant other?
And as my father (a retired OB/GYN physician) would often contemplate: why do animals do a better job picking a mate than humans?
So I decided that we needed a basic easy checklist that would help us authenticate a future life-partner just like we used checklist to authenticate a future designer handbag.
So here are 3 boxes to check off your list when authenticating that new love interest:
1. Trust your first impression
"A person starts to form impressions of a person after seeing their face for less than one-tenth of a second."(Healthline.com)
"Your brain decides whether to trust someone in milliseconds"(Avital Andrews, 8/29/2014)
In my past relationships, I would meet a guy and know within a second if I felt safe or not, if I felt let-down or not, if I felt he was a good guy or not, etc...
But in my naivety, if it was a bad first impression, I would ignore it thinking that surely this guy was just as nice as he sounded over the phone, so I would quickly dismiss my first impression and file it away under "Prove it to me."
But eventually, all the bad first impressions led to only bad endings.. after much wasted time and energy.
It doesn't mean that you immediately slam the door in their face on that first date. Be kind but be wise. Dating is not the time to be a savior, doctor, mom, or therapist to this future partner. Think of it as if you are a boss interviewing a job candidate. This job interview is a thousand-times- more important than hiring an employee because this person will be with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week forever.
So don't occupy your life or fill up your precious social calendar with Fakes, because then you won't be available to meet the Reals!
2. Do they do their best to not give you headaches?
A REAL partner wants to make your life LESS stressful.
You should be able to be the best version of yourself; best at your style, best at your job, best at your hobbies...and all the while, your REAL partner is your #1 Fan.
They will always be proud to be your partner in life. They will be beaming and adoring you whenever you spend time together. They will be proud of you when you get a job promotion and even when other men admire you.
They will naturally speak well of you even when you are not around to hear it.
In sharp contrast, a fake partner will tear you down and put you down with insults when you start to excel at your job/hobby, or when you start to lose weight and dress up. They will not like it when other men admire you; in fact, they will be jealous and controlling.
When the Lord crafted me, He installed a special warning "light" alarm system that is located in an area somewhere between my belly and my heart. This warning light alarm goes off immediately and without fail whenever I am being manipulated or verbally abused. Once I noticed it being there, I eventually learned to trust it when it was activated... it has never led me astray.
So find your built-in warning light alarm system and trust it.
3. Are you attracted to them?
Humans are sexual beings. We are the only creatures that have sex for pleasure. All other creatures use sex for only one purpose, that of procreation. This means that someday you will have sex with your partner. Thus, it will be a much easier relationship if you are physically attracted to this partner.
You should want to be physically near them, stroking their hair, holding their hands, touching their cheek. All this makes for great foreplay for the ultimate act of love which is sex.
God is not a prude. He created this activity called sex. He also designed sex to in a marriage relationship where it can be 110% fully-awesome, freaky, and mind-blowing. Sure, you can have awesome, freaky, and mind-blowing sex outside of a marriage relationship, but it won't be as wonderful as He created it to be.
As the HGTV stars, the Benham brothers, stated so well: "God loves us. And in any love relationship, there are boundaries. When we stay within His boundaries, we have freedom and blessings; but when we choose to live outside His boundaries, we have struggle."
As an OB/GYN physician, I counsel our patients everyday on sex, dating, marriage, relationships, & sexual dysfunction. A common principle that is discussed is the fact that a child's world being ok is directly dependent on the quality of the parents' relationship. Husbands feel close to their wives through sex. So continuing on this train of thought, if the parents are having sex, then their relationship will be good...and then their child's world will be ok. This is why it is uber UBER important that you need to have the hots for your boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other.
So put on your best self and see how your partner reacts. Be courageous and love yourself. God loves you too much to tolerate you staying in a not-ideal relationship with a Fake, or even worse, an abusive relationship.
As always, Look with Intention
XO, Jen